I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
