Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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