He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
