so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
