i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
