So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
