HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
