Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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