you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
