my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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