how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
