Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Green mimosas i think yes
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
