I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
