Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
you never un-have a 4some
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
