You were right. It hurts to walk today.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
