the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
