Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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