i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
