just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
