i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
BRING THE BAGELS
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
