I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
