his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
