Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
