I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
