I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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