My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
