mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
