so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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