i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
