Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
