there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
