Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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