I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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