dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
