So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
