I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
