Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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