i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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