Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
