I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
