just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
