Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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