I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
