just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Sorry about my life...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
