You're so nebulous sometimes
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
where are my eyebrows?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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