so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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