please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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