I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
