And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
