So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
