Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
